Mae B.

Septembering

Ah, September!

Traditionally, this has been the time that I am at my best. My life and I shine with hope and promise. I clean the house, join up to various committees and activities, give thought to making changes in my eating habits and increasing my physical activity. I re-start personal quests (like blogs for instance!) that I left behind in my eagerness for spring sunshine and summer busy-ness. I begin writing again, crafting/creating, baking/cooking. I look at my home with a critical eye to determine what most needs doing on that front. I come up with ideas and I make plans. A lot of plans. At some point, Hub needs to come on board for some of these plans. That's about usually when the whole system grinds to a painful halt. Hub is not usually especially responsive to anything that involves spending money. He needs a little coaxing in that area. However, there is always so much that needs doing and so much I would like to have done that I don't know where to start or which project to push with Hub. Its about at this point that I start feeling overwhelmed. And tired. And begin to lose hope that my home or my life will ever be where and what I would like it to be. I add myself onto that heaping, whimpering pile as well.

Wow. Any wonder that I now experience this time of year with dread. I wonder what changes I can make in my thought process or actions that can stop this annual monster in its tracks? Or at least, redirect it somehow! ?

I think I need a clean sheet of paper and a sharp pencil ... 

Happy Birthday Dad

I've been thinking about this day for some day now. Its my Dad's 80th birthday today. Unfortunately, I haven't seen him for almost five years now.

You see, when my Dad remarried (my Mom passed away some time ago), him and his new wife decided to move clear across the country to the west coast. Basically, we haven't seen them since. Now, its not like THAT, its just like that.

This summer, I was hoping that for our annual family vacation , we could head out to the coast and time it so that we were there for his birthday. Unfortunately, the family vacation just wasn't going to happen this year. At some point, we realized that - with a few issues around staffing - we couldn't foresee getting a large chunk of time away. And, with Ben home for the summer to save money and Grace with a part-time summer job, I'm afraid the days of the great family vacation are all but over!

Anyway, back to my Dad. Did I mention that he is turning eighty? Yes, he is celebrating the big "eight o" on the date of 08/08/08. Pretty cool huh?

Its simply impossible time-wise to make the 2000 mile drive out there and  financially unrealistic to fly. He, on the other hand, seems to be unwilling to come this way. Each year he says they're going to come but then they change their minds. I think reality set in a few months ago when I found out that he had not physically left Vancouver Island since he moved there. He never liked driving in cities when we were kids. At this point in his life, I'm sure that he is relatively terrified.

In thinking of all of this, I continued to think about how I could mark this special occasion across the miles. On his 75th, I sent him a list of "75 Things I Know About My Dad". It was fun for me to sift through old memories of Dad. I'm sure it was fun reading too. Especially for his new wife who surely would learned a few new things about him!

And so, in amongst the business of summer, I continued to think. And, you guessed it. The day has now arrived and that is all I've done. Oh dear. Hardly what I had in mind. Although apparently there was nothing in mind I guess! 

I of course, feel terrible about not planning ahead and ensuring that the day is marked in a special way. On the other hand, the space that Dad has put between us geographically has definitely created a sense of detachment in other areas as well as he is not engaged in ours or his grandchildren's lives. Of course I still love him.

I wish I could give him a hug right now. Happy birthday Dad.

Unwind/Rewind

Yesterday, I happily accepted that, on a day when I had no obligations outside of the house, that it was gray and wet outside. I immediately got a load of laundry on and gave thought to what else I'd like to do with this gift day.

Even though our summer has not been the best weather-wise, it has been so busy for us. Of course Paul just flies along, oblivious in all the disruption. I, on the other hand, get more and more weighed down. In sort of evaluating things yesterday, I came to the realization that someone is coming or going from this house almost every day of the week.  Ben is home for the summer but leaves every Thursday night after work for the mecca where he trains with his team, visits friends and spends time with his gifrlfriend. So he's going Thursday and coming back Sunday. Paul and I are heading out to our cottage every Friday or Saturday as often as we can and returning Monday. And, because we run a summer concert series, we have guests arriving every Wednesday and leaving Thursday.

There's the packing, the unpacking, the food, the cleaning, the preparing, the putting away ... it just seems to go on and on. Its just all a bit much at times, you know?

And so yesterday, I welcomed the gray, wet day with a sense of peace and contentment. No one was coming. No one was going. I baked Grace's favourite cookies and promised her endless amounts of them once her room was cleaned. I baked a GF banana loaf for Ben. He'll love that. I took care of some phone calls and some appointments and other family business. I looked up some web sites I'd taken note of. I caught up on the newspapers. I cut my finger nails. I did a bit of vacuuming. I enjoyed a glass of wine. I watched a movie. I enjoyed some quiet together time on the couch with Paul and Grace. I went to bed peaceful and content .

Now today, we're going. To the cottage. There's clothes and groceries to pack, gather up writing and reading material, gather up stuff for a painting project ... Come on girl! Its time to get moving!

Have a beautiful weekend ...

 

Hanging on For the Ride

My little world seems to be travelling at a ridiculous speed right now. Sometimes, I feel like I have just grabbed a rope that is sort trailing off the end of it and am now just hanging on for dear life! I can see what is happening but it is all sort of out of my reach.

Grace got a summer job. Because we own our own businesses, of course we had always let the kids know that if they were ever interested, just to let us know. Ben never was. Grace was  much more verbally adamant about it. She was thinking of getting a job this summer but it would not be with us.

That was before we hired a young fellow from her class. In conversations with his friends - including Grace - he deemed it "the coolest place in town to work". Before long, we are receiving resumes left, right and centre from this rather young-ish age group. We were actually hoping to hire someone else who was one year older.

And so, my baby is now a working girl. Of course she is totally loving the financial rewards. (How many clothes does one person need anyway? As many as you can buy of course!)

We've just returned from our regional mecca where Ben has lived this past school year. There, we attended his grade 12 graduation. He has now officially finished his high school years. And, although we are fully supportive of his plan to concentrate on pursuing nordic skiing for the next few years, it felt a bit scary knowing that he is has no immediate plans to continue his education. Ben is coming home later today for the weekend. Paul and I plan to sit down to convince him that he should spend the summer home and put some money away and head back up to the mecca in the fall. There is no perfect answer for this one but we think being here is the better one.

Outside of our family, we have a few major business events coming up shortly and we are frantically tying up loose ends with those. And in the middle of all of it, we have to gear down, breathe, and attend the funeral of lovely man from our community who, although not extremely close to, we were connected with in different areas of our lives.

I'm pretty sure that the dandelions need to be mowed again. They seem to be the only thing growing out there. The grass is a measly second. Our summer is not arriving gracefully - we've been under gray, cool skies for most of the time over the last three weeks or more. Oh, and I'm pretty sure the dog has fleas.

Okay, I've made a loop onto the end of the rope. Now, if I can only lasso it onto something, maybe I can slow this ride down a bit ...

 

Nouveaux Projets

I was visiting our nearby shopping mecca on Wednesday. Now, let's clarify that my shopping mecca is likely a bit different than yours. Firstly, its a three and a half hour drive. (It used to be a three hour drive, but that was before I got my speeding ticket. Sometimes you need a little reality check to come to your senses and grow up a bit.)  So obviously, for that kind of distance, you have to really need/want something (or many things!) to make the journey. Secondly, although its our region's centre, it might not even get on the chart in other places. Never-the-less, its good to have.

While there, I made my semi-regular stop at the fabric store. I say "semi" regular because, even though I may spend an hour or two in there, I often go out with nothing to show for it. This pointless exercise is getting to me (finally!) and now I don't feel the need to go in every time I in town. Most often, I go in with no particular agenda but rather, keep a sort of ever-growing-evolving log of proposed/possible projects which perpetually float around in my head. Its sort of a crafty Arc de Triomphe in there - projects and ideas going around and around not quite finding the right moment to exit.

I usually head to the "ends" bin to see if anything inspiring. After that, I cruise and feel my way through most of the racks. I sometimes linger in the quilting area ( I don't quilt per se, I just love all the colours.) and then flip through clothing pattern books. After that, I do a little more cruising and scheck out the non-fabric stuff.

On this particular visit, something in the bin caught my eye. It was a fabric that I thought sort of looked like trees. I picked it up and headed over to look at the quilt fabrics. I soon realized that the fabric I had in my hand was actually bamboo trees and the colour was much too bright. I am trying to acquire a selection of more muted fabrics with the feel of things and colours found in nature. At home in the Playroom, I have been drawn to try a project and then find I don't have the right fabric available in my stash. Needless to say, the distance to the fabric store plays a part in this whole dilemma. But more so, it is just me - floundering about with/without direction in what my next project might be.

On this particular day, I found myself with a selection of five fabrics that pleased my eye. I also found a light weight fabric that I think would make a great summer blouse. I would really like to give it a shot. Hopefully, next time the urge strikes, I will have everything I need! 

The Procrastinator Speaks

I as I was checking out the stats on another blog of mine - one that is quite active right now -  I happened to notice that a lone reader had visited me here. Well, not a reader exactly but more like a google search gone wrong I suppose. I followed the search that led to one of my posts from some time ago. I smiled as I read it. It was snappy and well-written. I liked it and just knew that, if that post was written on someone else's blog, it would be a space that I would want to visit again.

I travelled around through some of these older posts and came across one that I had six comments on. SIX COMMENTS! That was a personal record. I had kind of opened up about myself that particular day and - folks had responded sensing, I imagine, that it was an opportunity to connect with the real me. At this point on my little journey, I followed those six commentors back to their sites. Some are now defunct. One was on hold indefinitely. Some are just rolling along. One woman had numbers that have climbed tremendously. She had found her voice and her readers knew she was the real thing. Good going! I remembered all the blogs I used to visit and how amazed I was at their contents. The ideas they came up with, the wonderful things they created and the sheer volume of what they were able to produce.

It inspired and fed me. Bu at some point, I just thought, I don't belong here. I'm not a "crafter". (Actually, I never liked that word - I prefer "craftisan". I made it up myself!)

I pondered all of this. What exactly happened to this space of mine?! Anyone who has visited me from time to time, would likely have felt that they were on some sort of twisted ride at the fair. Up and down, round and round and long periods of nothing, then full-steam and then ... well, I think you get it!

I think that - in the process of trying (!) to achieve the kind of visual feel that I admired in (other) craftisan's blogs, I lost a lot of myself and what I am about. And so today, as I meditates on all of this, I decided that I know the following:

• I like the writing.
• I love reading creative blogs.
• I have a long-buried interest in photography which I would love to one day explore but really, I don't want to take pictures just for the sake of having something visual for my readers.
• I want creativity to be more in the forefront in my life.
• I love fabric and what is possible with it.
• I don't have a lot of confidence in my abilities and so I often do nothing creatively. (I'm working on that.)
• I love writing.
• I hope/plan to be more creative one day.
• I am a procrastinator.

So ... yah. Where exactly this leaves me I am not sure. My off-the-cuff answer would be - I'm the anti-crafter or something like that. But I think I want to count myself in with all of you who I admire. Maybe I am someone who hasn't remotely achieved her full potential and moves through it all alot slower than most but, stick with me and great things just may happen. Eventually.

I will write and journey and try. And I won't. I will admire and refer and gush. Most likely. I will share and ask and do. And I will not. I will procrastinate. My heart and soul is in this, I just need to get the rest of me on board. Welcome to the site of the procrastinating "wannabee" craftisan.

 

Turning a corner ...

The big "O" in my life has nothing to do with a mega-wealthy television personality or reaching sexual climax. It is that life is simply too overwhelming sometimes. My sister once said to me, "When you have too many gifts, it is sometimes difficult to decide which to choose, which to direct your energy towards." That's my sister. She's definitely a "glass half full" kind of person. Yah. You can probably guess which half the glass I'm usually at! When the "I'm overwhelmed" fairy hits, often the procrastination falls not far behind. And last, but not least - but really, sometimes never, is the action to actually do something about it. About anything.

And so, I have not made an entry in this blog for just over three (THREE!) months now. People. You can always feel better about missing a day or a week or whatever because you know this one BLOGGER WHO DIDN"T WRITE FOR THREE WHOLE MONTHS! You're welcome.

And so, I am at yet another turning point in my life. Where the light is mildly visible at the end of the tunnel. Where in fact, the light is actually also outside as our spring seems to be actually arriving. Where, in a very long time, I am feeling hopeful.

Thanks for coming and ... please, come back again! I know I will.

 

When Holly Hobby ruled the earth ...

Its been all work and no play for poor old Mae! I decided to tackle my basket of horrors repairs. I guess its been awhile as I found a pair of pj's that belonged to Grace when she was ten or so. I also  found this dress. Isn't it a beauty? My late Mom made it for me when I was about ten or eleven. More than thirty-five years old and still in perfect shape. The wonderful thing is that the sewing machine I repaired it on is the same one that my late Mom was sewing with when she created it! You can read more about that here.

If you're on a diet, don't pause here ...

A gift for a man who loves buttertarts but usually gets the second-place buttertart squares which aren't nearly as gooey or as decadent as their superior inspiration. And so, when celebrating Paul's 44th, we ended our meal with some of these lovelies. Made from his grandmother's filling recipe and my mom's pastry recipe, they were the perfect blend of all things delicious! Happy birthday honey!

Is there anything in there?

I admit. I'm trying to get something ... anything on to this site today. My playroom has lay dormant for some time now. If I do go in, its just to get my new Christmas toy and then go and sit comfy-cozy on the couch while I explore. Can you guess what new toy Paul got me for Christmas? That's right, a shiny new laptop! Needless to say, I've been tickling the keyboard a little more often than usual. I'm assuming that this is just a novelty and will wear off quick enough. To be honest, I think I'm on the home stretch now.

I have been doing some exploring around writing. I have a few ideas roaming around in my head. I just need to take some "next steps". I'm almost there.

My playroom's purpose may be evolving somewhat in the process but not disappearing altogether.  Part of the process is definitely going to be to make it a more inspiring space.

I hereby promise to myself and to you, I will have something on the go - something to report - before this time next week.